“You HAVE TO watch it!!! You know when you read something or watch something so emotionally raw and it wrecks you but in the best way possible? Like, it breaks your heart into a million pieces but in the most beautiful way? You HAVE TO HAVE TO watch it!!!”
As per Julia’s fervent recommendation, I watched (‘binged’ would be more accurate) the show “Normal People” a few weeks back… twice. I absolutely loved it. I loved it so much that I decided to read the novel, too. This is the first time that a movie made me want to read the novel and I actually read the novel in its entirety and loved it just as much as I loved the movie.
“Normal People” is incredibly aptly named — it is a love story/a coming-of-age story of Marianne and Connell, following the two very ‘normal’ people from their high school to college years. I loved that it was a story about ‘normal people’ rather than overly dramatic, unrealistic fictional characters with impossible lives. Marianne and Connell are such ‘normal’ people, but their bond is so special that watching and reading their story made me wonder if I would ever experience something like their bond.
“Most people go through their whole lives, Marianne thought, without ever really feeling that close with anyone”
The show/novel definitely made me think about the concept of soulmates. First of all, is it even a real thing? If it is, will I ever find mine? Does anyone find theirs? How many people are lucky enough to have found their soulmate? Of those, how many actually end up with their soulmates? Is a ‘soulmate’ someone to be found, or when two people spend enough time together and go through enough things together, do they eventually become ‘soulmates’ even if their initial connection may have been subpar or ordinary?
““I’m not a religious person but I do sometimes think God made you for me.”
The show used almost all the dialogue in the novel word-for-word, so upon reading this line in the novel, I thought it was interesting/such a shame that this line wasn’t included in the show. Just one of many, many moments that made me tear up/cry :’)
Marianne and Connell share a visceral, magnetic, irresistible connection. Connell is only able to fully be himself and be vulnerable when he is with Marianne — with his high school friends who he’d known since childhood and even with his college girlfriend Helen whom he claims is “the right person” for him, Connell is not able to be his real or “weird” self. Marianne never really had friends in high school, and even in college, she only has one genuine friendship (with Joana). Her other ‘friends’ in college like Jamie (who later turns out to be a terrible boyfriend) and Peggy (who later friendship-breaks up with Marianne following her relationship-break up with Jamie) liked her, but they weren’t really great friends at all — friendly attention was so new to Marianne that she mistook it as sufficient for (or synonymous to) friendship. Connell is the only person (other than Lorraine and Joana) who sees through Marianne’s “cold” façade, and he is definitely the only person who knows about her family troubles.
Marianne, according to her own words and Connell’s thoughts, is “damaged.” She doesn’t feel lovable and wonders why she “can’t make people love her” like “normal people.” Because of this, she over-apologizes and she is willing to do anything that will make her romantic partner happy. What Connell wants, Marianne will do. This manifests in the most toxic and damaging ways in her brief relationships with Jamie and Lucas later, in which she completely submits to their wants at the cost of her mental and physical health (to some extent, I would say her dignity, too).
Throughout the show and the novel, my heart broke for Marianne. Her father used to hit her mother and she had to grow up watching that dynamic. He passed away when she was young, leaving Marianne with just her mom Denise and her brother Alan. Denise is not only emotionally distant and passive-aggressive, but actively ignorant of Alan’s verbal and physical abuse. Alan has some serious inferiority complex and anger issues, and bullies Marianne on a daily basis. The list goes on. No wonder she feels “damaged.” I don’t feel completely comfortable putting this label on her, but honestly, Marianne is “damaged.” How could she not be? Our childhood environment/experiences and family relationships affect/determine everything — how we view ourselves, how we view others, how we love ourselves, and how we love others.
“All these years they’ve been like two little plants sharing the same plot of soil, growing around one another, contorting to make room, taking certain unlikely positions. But in the end she has done something for him, she’s made a new life possible, and she can always feel good about that.”
The end of Normal People doesn’t really help me answer my previous question about whether soulmates actually end up together. In fact, it makes it sound more likely than not that Marianne and Connell don’t end up together, with Connell going off to NYC for his MFA and Marianne staying behind in Ireland. As much as I want Marianne and Connell to be able to be together, I think the fact that they didn’t definitively end up together by the end of Normal People makes the ending that much better and more realistic.
“You know I love you, says Connell. I’m never going to feel the same way for someone else.”
“You should go, she says. I’ll always be here. you know that.”
The way that Connell and Marianne go their own separate ways while supporting each other’s decisions and affirming their love for each other reminded me of Mia and Sebastian’s conversation on the bench in La La Land. I remember being so upset after watching La La Land that Mia and Sebastian didn’t end up together. I rewatched the movie several times and went online to read other people/movie critics’ thoughts on the movie’s ending to see if others shared my disappointment. Eventually, I accepted that the ending of La La Land is part of what makes the movie so great, but it was a long emotional journey. I’m kind of proud of myself for not being angry at Normal People’s ending—I was actually really happy for Marianne and Connell, so perhaps that’s an indication that I’ve matured emotionally since I first saw La La Land. Soulmates don’t always end up together in a magical “Happily Ever After” ending — not even in movies. And that’s okay.
The two little plants outgrew their little plots of land, and it’s okay for them to be separated into bigger, different plots of land. They will always remember how they grew up together as little plants in their shared little plot of land, and they will always be able to see each other’s growth and cheer each other on, even when they’re far away from each other, because they are that much bigger and taller now, thanks to the times they shared :’)
