Reading this book made me think about ‘unconditional love’ — does it really exist? is it something humans are capable of? — and ‘true love’ — does true love require unconditionality? (hooks says “true love is unconditional, but to truly flourish it requires an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change.”) Where do I see/find/experience true love around me?
Does saying “I love you” mean something different form saying “I’m in love with you?”
I thought that bell hooks made incredibly insightful commentaries about how the patriarchy and capitalism affect our ability to love. The way she talks about relationships applies mainly to heterosexual relationships, but she did sometimes talk about how the patriarchy harms same-sex relationships as well.
There were some parts that felt like a series of Pinterest love quotes or Target kitchen decorations, but for the most part, I really enjoyed reading this book and I thought hooks wrote about love in very beautiful and poetic terms.
She kinda lost me toward the end when she talked about biblical stories and angels, though. Also some of her commentary about being ‘wounded’/victimized, greed, living and loving consciously with death’s shadow etc. kind of rubbed me the wrong way/made me raise an eyebrow… it was fun to annotate my reactions into the book (I haven’t done that in a while!)
Quotes I particularly liked/made me think
“The word “love” is most often defined as a noun, yet all the most astute theorists of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb.”
“Love is as love does. Love is an act of will — namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” -Eric Fromm
“Affection is only one ingredient of love. To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients — care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.”
“Keeping people in a constant state of lack, in perpetual desire, strengthens the marketplace economy. Lovelessness is a boon to consumerism.”
“The light of love is always in us, no matter how cold the flame.”
“By encouraging the segregation of nuclear families from the extended family, women were forced to become more dependent on an individual man, and children more dependent on an individual woman.”
“Loneliness is painful; solitude is peaceful.” -Henri Nouwen’
“When anyone thinks a woman who serves “gives ’cause that’s what mothers or real women do,” they deny her full humanity and thus fail to see the generosity inherent in her acts.”
“This is the most precious gift true love offers — the experience of knowing we always belong.”
“Love is an action, a participatory emotion. Whether we are engaged in a process of self-love or of loving others we must move beyond the realm of feeling to actualize love. This is why it is useful to see love as a practice.”
“To love somebody is not just a strong feeling — it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.” -Fromm
“The heartbeat of true love is the willingness to reflect on one’s actions, and to process and communicate this reflection with the loved one.”
